I feel like an idiot most of the time. However, at approximately 9:27 a.m. on Tuesday, September 23, my idiot status was pumped up to an all-time high. At 9:27 a.m., I was pedaling my bike through the math and sciences parking lot on the UWM campus, en route to my 9:30 math class. Suddenly, I heard the *whoop*whoop* of police sirens behind me. I had passed a policeman as I was entering the intersection a couple blocks beforehand, so I got off my bike, and uttered a quiet, “Are you fucking kidding me?” before placing one hand on my hip and striking a very annoyed pose as I waited for the officer to haul himself out of his vehicle.
“Good mornin’.”
“Morning.”
“I’m stopping you this morning because I observed you riding your bike here down the wrong side of the street about a block back. That can be hazardous for both cars and bicycle riders and it’s important to follow the rules of the road. There have been a lot of accidents involving bicycle riders lately and they can you know…be pretty bad. I assume you’re on your way to class here this morning?”
“Yes.” I look impatiently over at the math building, in a ‘yeah and if you don’t let me go I’m going to be late’ type of way.
“Do you have a driver’s license?”
“Not on me.”
“But you have one? So you know the rules of the road.”
“Yes.”
“Okay well just make sure you’re a little more careful next time. And also I’ve noticed that your bike here isn’t registered.”
“Nope.”
“It’s city policy here in Milwaukee that all bikes are registered. You can do it online and pick up the sticker at the station. It’s pretty easy. Say, can I get your name?”
While trying not to notice the other kids staring at me, I gave the officer my name. Like every other human on the Earth, he didn’t understand how to spell my last name, and asked me to spell it for him. I did, and he spelled it back, incorrectly.
“That’s right,” I smiled.
Le Officer then politely let me go and we parted ways with not even one mention of the fact that I was listening to my iPod while riding as well, which I’m sure is probably frowned upon, if not totally illegal. I wasn’t sure what he planned on doing with my last name, but if he runs it, then I’m sure he’ll be shocked to find that there are no “Bcaks” at this University.
Later on, TheBeardedMan echoed the logic that was running through my head as I was standing waiting for ol’ TJ Hooker to finish his spiel: “Meanwhile on the other side of the city someone is being raped, shot, mugged and pissed on all at once.” Totally true. I mean, there is a helluva lot of crime in this city, and certainly on this campus. Earlier this month, somebody got mugged at something like 12:32 p.m.–the middle of the goddamn afternoon. Lunchtime. For. Christ’s. Sake. Not to mention this summer, break-ins and burglaries were as common as cracks in the sidewalk.
I’m sure the copper had my best interests in mind but seriously. Wtf?
In other news, THE OFFICE PREMIERES TONIGHT!!!
Not only do I have the day off today, but THIS makes life so much better. Let’s recap the last episode: Andy and Angela got engaged which ruined Jim’s planned proposal to Pam, Ryan got hauled off to jail, sparks started to fly between Michael and the new HR girl, Phyllis found Dwight and Angela making out in the office, and Jan is knocked up.
So what is the point of Ryan going to jail? Will Dwight and Angela get back together? Did Jan really go to a sperm bank for her kid–or is it Michael’s? Is Pam pissed that Jim hasn’t proposed yet? Will the HR girl really fall for Michael? So many questions and so many reasons for me to wean myself off the ghost shows…
!OMG!!11!!111!!!PaM aNd JiM4EVR!!???!!11LOLZ!!!11
**Back.
P.S.–I saw this on the PostSecret site last week and can totally relate. I think I’m more excited to see them get engaged than plan my wedding. Watching TV is so much less of a headache.
Erm……love you Forth….
