On this episode of…

I have lots of favorite things. Booze, ghost hunting, Qdoba, giving free bjs to elderly men at bus stops…………….and, Jon & Kate Plus 8!

As I may have mentioned, I got hooked on Jon & Kate Plus 8 after watching a marathon with one of my good friends as we waited to hit the concerts at Summerfest. If you have not heard, Jon & Kate Plus 8 follows the Gosselin family, who live in Central Pennslyvania. Jon and Kate, a couple who needed fertility treatments to have children, first had a set of twins. Then, when they tried for one more baby with the same fertility treatment, they ended up pregnant with sextuplets, having turned down the doctor’s offer to “reduce” the amount of fertilized eggs. The twins are now 7, and the sextuplets are 4.

I’m not really the type that goes all to pieces over babies–in fact, I’m sort of awkward with kids, as I am with you know…humans. But these 8 are pretty damn cute, and I think Jon and Kate are really funny and good parents, and so it makes for a nice half-hour of brainless TV every now and then.

I’ll not mention how Forth is pretty sure Aaden is erm…”not all there,” but will make it a point to say that Forth, a boy, very willingly watches Jon & Kate Plus 8 with me. How sweet is that? This is what makes me feel better about reproducing: the world could use more kids brought up like Forth and I (though perhaps of purer heart than I…) Anyways, I think Hannah is my favorite, then maybe Alexis. Hannah is more like I used to be–all about holding dolls and household chores. And she’s quiet. Alexis is simply hilarious with her speech impediment, boy-like tendencies, and penchant for reptiles.

I feel like most people watch the show and laugh at the kids and everything, but are like, “Yes, they’re cute, but I wouldn’t want that many.” The show actually makes me want one. Now. Not SERIOUSLY now, but for me to admit that a kid would be nice is for a normal married couple to be like, “LET’S HAVE TWELVE.” Angelina Jolie-style.

One bored night, I did some net-surfing and found out that there’s a lot of negative stuff that gets thrown Jon & Kate’s way. Apparently people who meet up with the Gosselins in real life think that both Jon and Kate are rather cold towards fans. Some people in the Gosselin’s hometown balk at the lack of activity the kids have in child-geared events that the town puts on, and others are upset with the amount of free things that the family gets–like clothing from Banana Republic and Gap, for instance. Also, when the Gosselins speak at churches, apparently they sell autographed pictures for $20 a pop and the church also takes up a special collection for the family, which some people have a problem with. Besides all this, other people are angry that the Gosselins get free trips to Hawaii, Utah, Disney World, etc. There is also speculation over Jon’s job. Apparently he had a job, got a new specially-made government job with Pennsylvania, quit that in favor of more flexible hours working for his friend, and then quit that to “ride the gravy train his kids have created.”

To most of this stuff, I’d like to tell people to get over it: the Gosselins were offered an opportunity to make something out of their less-than-favorable situation. Not many people get two sets of multiples thrown their way, and they were offered a chance to help deal with it. Since it happens to make TLC a lot of money, they caught a lucky break. Some people do, some people don’t. Parents bitch because Jon and Kate are getting paid to be parents, but they’re also dealing with an extraordinary amount of kids, all at the same age. It’s sort of the same with that Jesus-freak idiot family with 18 kids or whatever. Now THAT is fucking sick, and I would like to pay them to STOP breeding.

Jon and Kate have a TV show. They’re famous. Famous people get free things. Famous people don’t have to work normal jobs. The parents that complain about the Gosselins certainly cannot deny the fact that they would quit their jobs too, if they didn’t have to work. As long as they realize that at some point, their 15 minutes will be up, it’s a nice ride for the time being. Kate seems pretty grounded, and it’s about as “real” as you can get, so I don’t see what the problem is. They only film 3 days a week, the family functions as normally as they ever have, the kids are no worse for the wear, and Jon and Kate can devote all of their time to raising smart, decent kids. As far as I’m concerned, the folks of Survivor and The Surreal Life, do a lot less for more money than Jon and Kate, so haters can suck it. Not to mention, the Gosselins are very into the God thing, and repeatedly (and genuinely) state that not a day goes by where they don’t thank God for what they’ve been handed–and considering the number of churches they speak at–I believe them.

That said, I’m really looking forward to the episode where they go to Hawaii. And if Mady would just shut her bratty little trap every now and then, the show would be a good time for all.

**Back.

9 in the Afternoon.

It was sort of hard to follow Forth’s zombie scenario, especially when I had nothing of interest or importance to blog about, and I still really don’t. The summer heat paired with work and math class have left me interested in little besides watching “What Not to Wear” and “Ghost Hunters” religiously hour after hour. Never before have I watched so much TV. EVER. But since that’s all I’ve got, I’ll discuss the mundane.

I would like to let this world know, that Forth enjoys watching TLC’s “What Not to Wear.” He does, and it is great. He finds a similarity in the clothing worn by him and Clinton and like everyone else, likes watching other people get made fun of. Not to mention his persistent attention to detail retains the tips and pointers given by Stacey and Clinton, which can only help both of us out when shopping. Just this morning he pulled out a pair of khakis that were not only pleated, but cuffed and threw them in the Goodwill pile stat. I now know that none of my jeans fit properly, and that clothes that cost as much as my computer will in deed fit better and are made out of much better material. Too bad I still can’t afford them.

Basically, Stacey and Clinton tell people things that everyone else is thinking and can’t say. It’s a shame there isn’t a show called “How Not to Live.” I could go around wildly with a mic in hand pulling people off the street telling them they’re dressed skankily, that they are far to lazy and stupid, their tattoo looks like crap, they are ridiculously rude in the wrong situations, and they need to learn how to save money, plus many other things. It would be appropriate judgment and welcomed instead of cast off because I’m on national television.

What I don’t understand is how it takes people so long to spend the $5,000 they are given. I would go NUTS and it would all be gone within the first hour or two. Also, it is hard to believe people are so reluctant to give up their clothes and accept money and help. And when Nick the hairstylist comes at them and they freak out and cry? Please. He’s a professional–he will not make you look like crap and despite thoughts otherwise, your hair will grow back. Perhaps if I start dressing shittily enough Forth will nominate me for the show. I’m somewhere between doing okay and needing help, but I’m sure if I drag out the fabric paint t-shirts I wore in high school, I can get on the show. YUCK.

The other show I am currently obsessed with is “Ghost Hunters” on Sci-Fi. This show follows a group called The Atlantic Paranormal Society (TAPS) as they investigate paranormal activity at locations around the country and even overseas. What I like about this is the reality of it. The guys who founded TAPS are plumbers for Roto-Rooter by day and don’t give easily into believing a place in haunted. They go into a location trying to debunk any instances of ghostly activity and when they can’t find any rational explanation for voices, shadows, moving objects, or temperature fluctuations, THEN they concede that something paranormal is going on. I admire the courage these guys have too–despite my lifelong interest in ghosts, I could never sit alone in a dark room provoking spirits. Nuh-uh. My favorite instruments they use are the EVP recorders, K2 meters, and infrared cameras, all of which I’m convinced produce evidence that cannot be reckoned with.

You know, I’m sure you’d like this post to end now and I could go for some more TV. Forth and I spent the 4th o’ July watching Michael Clayton and venturing to Chicago for “A Prairie Home Companion” live from the Ravinia Festival with his family, so perhaps he’ll have something to say on that.

God save the Queen,

**Back.